This [weight loss] blog got dropped like a hot potato last spring. Our life as planned got interrupted.
It was the end of April. I had been running a couple miles a week, and in the middle of the month "ran" a 5k with my husband's office. Not only was my time more terrible than my typical terrible time, but I couldn't run longer than 5 minutes, which was shocking because just the week before I had run straight for nearly 30 minutes! I was just exhausted, and winded. Maybe I was getting sick or something.
Then we traveled to my sister in law's wedding in dusty West Texas. I fell asleep on the way there and woke up with the sorest throat ever and feeling super run down. I figured ew, dust. and maybe its a cold coming on.
At the wedding reception, I had a beer. It tasted weird and metallic. Like I picked up a stray house key off the floor and licked it. Hmmmmmm.
On the way home I started to wonder. My usual go-to when something weird is going on is to pee on a dollar store pregnancy test. And I had exactly one at home. So that was the game plan... rule out pregnancy first then run to the drugstore for some cold meds, get hopped up on them, and conk.
I got home from the trip, got the kids settled, and unceremoniously slipped out to go test my pee for baby.
Not only was it positive, the pink line showed up immediately. Sinking feeling. I had never felt this way about a pregnancy before. Immediate mommy guilt fought the hot tears rolling down my face. I called my husband into our room for insta-support. I could tell he was disappointed at the emotions exploding from my face- he is always my rock and constant stream of positive. I felt so negative about this discovery. I knew that this baby would be a multiplication of love in our family, but I also had so many questions.
How is this going to work?
Where is this baby going to even sleep?
How will we ever pay off debt after adding another mouth to feed?
How will I ever lose the weight?
What about MY plans, MY dreams, MY goals?
Thank GOD for 9 months of gestation. I had all that time to soul search, re-evaluate, and reimagine my dreams. The pregnancy was really hard on my heart, and I unfortunately spent some time in ICU after a scary episode. Thats for another blog, when I share how Jude earned his name.
But looking back, I am so happy it happened this way. Jude James is pure joy for our family. How did we ever live without his tiny kitten noises, and his angel-kissed face. How did I ever live without knowing what it was like to nurse a newborn around the clock (I didn't have such a great experience with nursing my first two). How did I ever doubt my God, who slid this baby into our lives, an unforseen but precious Christmas gift?
You, little man, are life altering for all of us. Your brothers adore you. You are the pride of your daddy. And you are your momma's dream realized.
